ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Randomize
