Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
