I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
