Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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