we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i was born a porn star she said
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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