plz talk dirty to me
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize