he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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