I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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