You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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