is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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