Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
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somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
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Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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