There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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