I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
