He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Randomize
