she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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