Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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