After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
You took a bar mat shot.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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