it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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