you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
