You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
