i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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