if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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