So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
