Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
