I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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