I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
