Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
