I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Just high enough for therapy.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
