I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
