We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
God, I missed his penis.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
