I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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