Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
