mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
