I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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