u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
I'm going back tonight
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"