she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.