So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.