I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
17 People Reveal The Reasons Behind Their Foot Fetish
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.