I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.