I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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