I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
