Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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