Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
