haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
