You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
