I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
