sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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