just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
