girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
