escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
