Sry I called you an 8
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
