i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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