If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Umm I'm too high to move.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
