Kiss
Puke
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
and i looked up. we had an audience...
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
