why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
i believe in u and ur pee
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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