Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
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Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
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I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.