I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
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you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
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I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
