Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.