I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Dating After Heartbreak
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.