I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.