Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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