Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.