I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
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