We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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