can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
How does it feel to date your dad?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
