I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
smell my finger.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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