i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
