My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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