he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize