Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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