i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
