Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
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I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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