If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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