shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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